Help, I’ve Been Asked to Give a Eulogy!

Congratulations, you’ve been asked to play a part in a service marking the passing of someone, probably a family member, a friend, or a colleague.

You might feel honoured, nervous, daunted or even intimidated by the invitation, but you want to do your best, and just need some help to get you started. Well, you found a good place!

So, what are we trying to do when we share a eulogy? Well, it’s important to realise that a eulogy is a little different from a tribute, although there is quite some overlap between the two, and it’s not the sermon!

 The Concise Oxford Dictionary defines a eulogy as “A speech, or piece of writing that praises someone highly…from the Greek eulogia ‘praise’..and Latin elogium ‘inscription on a tomb’ “ We might sum it up in that old phrase “Speak well of the dead”.

The eulogy is a space in the funeral service where we are helped to remember the deceased as a more whole person. It helps us appreciate their lives a little more deeply, and it gives us reasons to be thankful for knowing them, and grateful for their impact on other people. A good eulogy brings to mind our own rich memories of the loved one, which in turn become a source of comfort.

So, where to begin? A good place to begin your writing is to share the key biographical details; where were they born, who else was in their immediate family, what kind of work did their parents or carers do, where did they live as they grew up?

You could then move on to their development as an individual; what areas of education, social activities, work, and faith were important to them? What relationships were they part of, did they have partners, children, pets?

Then something more personal; what experiences did you share with them that shine a light on the kind of person they were?

Finally, how might you sum them up in just two sentences?

Hopefully, as you work through this suggested list you’ll have plenty of words and ideas written down, so now you’ll need to bring them all together to write the eulogy you will share.

You probably won’t have very long, but at the same time this is something that should not feel rushed. If the service is at a crematorium, or church where there is a time pressure, you should aim for about 5 minutes. On average, we speak about one hundred words a minute, and one side of A4, using size 11 of the Arial font will be approximately 500 words, so that’s what you’re aiming for.

If the service is in a church, and the person leading the service has told you there is no time pressure, then you might want to include a slightly longer reflection on your experience of the deceased, your own tribute. You could then aim for one and a half sides of A4 typed up, which would take about seven and a half minutes to read.

There are some very compelling reasons for writing the whole eulogy out in full. Firstly, it is easier to share; quite often family members will appreciate the time taken for the eulogy, and request a copy for themselves.

Secondly, it organizes your thoughts clearly, and prevents you from straying away from what you’d carefully planned to say; occasionally when we speak without a script of some kind we can get sidetracked, spending more time than we meant on a minor point, having then to cut out something important we hoped to share.

Finally, it makes it possible for someone else to read; occasionally, when we get behind the microphone, the emotion of the event can be overwhelming. A good Minister Celebrant would stand beside you if that happened, and comfort and encourage you. But, if they needed to, the person leading would be able to read it on your behalf if you were unable to continue.

There you go, the only way to get started is to get started. Go and talk to relatives and friends and listen to their stories, double check your facts, and don’t be put off. It’s likely you were asked because someone has confidence in you to do this. Well done for saying yes!